That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
