Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
