Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
