so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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