How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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