Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
