watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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