I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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