The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
