Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
