so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
