Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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