Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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