My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize