yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
