Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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