Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
