She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
