The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
