I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I didn't notice because vodka
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
