I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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