Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
