I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
