i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
