david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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