I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
