I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
