I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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