..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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