We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
