it was like his penis was on wheels.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
