I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
