Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
