apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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