i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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