at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
