My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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