There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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