were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
