I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
