I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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