omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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