Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
