I wish I could punch you in the face.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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