He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Mom said you looked used
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize