i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
