those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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