Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
