There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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