Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
