Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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