I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
