Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
