Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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