The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
