Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My penis needs a shock collar
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
