Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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