o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
