Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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