I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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