So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
