Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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