I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
