I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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