Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
