mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
