Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
