i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
