Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
