How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
