The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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