At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
