Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
