i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
