my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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