Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize