Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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