I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
