He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize