you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
