So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
