How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
